Friday, January 18, 2008

Poor Coffeehouse Warning System

In a lot of my first visits to coffee outfits, there have been some times where I can usually tell before I even sip anything that it's going to be a rough experience. I have compiled a list of warning signs that a coffeehouse might not be that great. Some are scary, some are weird, but all seem to be fairly obvious. Without further delay:

You can tell a coffeehouse is poor when:

1. They ask you to instruct them on how to make an americano

Their menu says "expresso"

3. The barista greets you with "What do you want!?"

4. Where they get their coffee is a secret

You can't see the beans inside the espresso grinder because of all the residual oil

6. When you order a double shot of espresso, the barista looks at you all weird and retorts "You drink that!?"

They don't have ceramic cups and a menu option is espresso

8. You watch the barista start the pulling of a shot of espresso by first pulling out a small bag of ground coffee from a freezer

9. The coffeehouse owner is afraid people will steal the signature drink recipes and is in the process of getting the rights to a peppermint mocha latte (the ingredients are all trade secrets of course)

10. Everyone is wearing the same outfit

11. All of the recommended coffees are flavored

12. Their coffee roaster is in Italy and the coffeehouse is in the States

13. The coffee is sitting on a hot plate

and last but not least
14. The owner/barista asks you what blood type you are before she sells you coffee, as coffee is only good for some blood types (this really happened)

If you have some warning signs yourself, feel free to post them as a comment!

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